Did you hear the latest new progressive idea to be instantaneously mainstreamed?
The American Civil Liberties Union now says that inter-species marriage is mandated by the equal protection clause of the Constitution. In a press release today, the ACLU didn't specify whether interspecies marriage should be limited to members of different species of opposite sexes or whether inter-species same-sex couples would also be permitted to marry. However, an unnamed ACLU Board member said it is assumed that the same-sex aspect of the issue has already been resolved by recent court holdings in Massachusetts and elsewhere. In a surprising concession to moderates, the ACLU governing board did agree that for an inter-species couple to receive a marriage license it should be required that at least one of the partners be human.
Even more contentious is an issue not addressed by the ACLU press release. Republican members of Congress have sought to limit the impact of court decisions legalizing interspecies marriage by introducing legislation, supported by the Bush Administration, that would define interspecies marriage as marriage between one human being and one mammal, effectively barring marriage between humans and non-mammal species, including reptiles, fish, arachnids, and other insects. “We have to draw the line somewhere,” said Senator Orrin Hatch (R, Utah), chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee. But Senator Ted Kennedy (D., Mass), called the “mammals only” legislation divisive, saying “the Republicans are clearly trying to make this a wedge issue in this election year.” Kennedy made the comments at a press conference, with Congressman Barney Frank standing by his side, gazing up at him adoringly.
An ACLU spokesman declined comment on reports that the ACLU intends to file suit on behalf of an Arkansas pig farmer who professes to have fallen in love with his prize hog, which recently won a second place ribbon at a county fair. Gnarley Bates claims he was unfairly denied a marriage license by county officials, despite affidavits from witnesses and video footage purportedly documenting that the feelings between the farmer and the prize winning pig are reciprocal. Asked by reporters whether his intended mate is female, Bates, with apparent indignation, replied, "Of course! Do I look like a queer?"
According to a report on NPR, a recent opinion poll conducted jointly by the Pew Research Institute and the Kennedy School of Government found that 47% of Americans now favor inter-species marriage, up from 1/17th of 1% two weeks ago. Democratic Presidential candidate John Kerry, in response to questions from reporters on the issue said: “Well I served our country in Vietnam. So I have seen up close the devastating effect this kind of divisive issue can have on young men and women. Therefore I have consistently favored civil unions for inter-species couples, but not marriage.”
As Firesign Theater said, “Show them the light – and they will follow it anywhere.”
Serving all of humanity, but mainly serving myself, this is ..
Jim Greenfield